Lost Sheep

"We all, like sheep, have gone astray, each of us has turned to his own way; and the Lord has laid on him the iniquity of us all." -- Isaiah 53:6


I just don't know what to think of any of this:

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/05/19/nyregion/19priest.html

Innocent until proven guilty? It seems less so in the case of Catholic priests. Particularly, homosexual Catholic priests.

And, although I will reserve final judgment until more of this story comes out, I can't help but fear that it's all true.

Fr. Jude -- the pastor of my church since I was 11 years old; the one who always told me I looked like his niece, who gave me the chance to hone my music ministry, who traveled to Baltimore last spring to concelebrate my Baccalaureate Mass, who was always happy to help me -- stole hundreds of thousands of dollars from parishoners -- my friends and neighbors; my own family.

That's bad enough. But, maybe if that were it, that would be easier. Because people make mistakes. Money (or lack of it) can drive people to act out of desperation.

Maybe if it were the garbage man, or the guy who owns the deli or some other innocuous Darien resident, it would be different.

This is a priest. A priest, who allegedly used all this money he stole to finance his relationship with another man.

And that's the difference.

Catholic priests cannot have relationships with other men. They cannot have sexual relationships at all. And the fact that it appears that Fr. Jude broke his vows, changes everything.

This man, who in a very fundamental way, is one of the cornerstones of my faith -- of my life within the Catholic Church, has just been revealed as a very big hypocrite.

I'm angry, and I'm hurt. I feel betrayed by someone I considered a friend. I feel stupid for ever having defended him when people made accusations about him and his life.

I also feel badly. You know, my sister called me last night practically celebrating the fact that he had been caught red-handed. I don't think this is something to celebrate. I don't think that at all. This is a profoundly sad thing -- for Fr. Jude, for everyone who cared about him, for my parish, for the Catholic church. I guess it's good for the people whose money he stole that they might get some justice. But Wednesday was not a happy day, and I resent my sister and anybody else who thinks it was.

"Let him who is without sin cast the first stone." -- John 8:7

I can't help but worry about Fr. Jude. Maybe that's naive or stupid of me. But think about someone in your life who was never anything but supportive of you. Wouldn't you be concerned if this were happening to them?

One of the lessons I'm learning as I'm starting to grow up is that people will let you down. People you trusted, people you love, people who were never anything less than wonderful to you. That's very difficult, and truth be told, I think it's happened to me more than some. I'm getting pretty sick of it. It kind of makes me want to forget people -- to build walls to protect myself from getting hurt like this again.

I don't think that's the answer. But on days like Wednesday, it doesn't seem like a bad option.

"We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose." -- Romans 8:28

Please pray for Fr. Jude, my parish and my town.