"Today is going to be a ... less bad day. I can feel it. Sometimes I wake up and know everything is going to be ... less bad." -- Ally McBeal
This week kind of sucked, and I'm not really sure why.
I had a job interview on Monday and I think it went well. It sounds like a pretty good job -- not as exciting or interesting as the US Lacrosse one, but a good job. If I get it, great. If not, it won't be the end of the world.
I think the Joe thing is kind of bumming me out -- not because I had any great expectations of what might happen, but just because I feel bad about it not working out because he's a nice guy. If he were a total jerk, I think it might be easier.
The gym is definitely bumming me out. For the last four weeks I have gone to the gym twice a day on most, if not all days during the week. I do at least an hour and a half of cardio and I do 45 minutes of weights three days a week. I've been eating pretty much nothing (don't freak out, when I say nothing I mean nothing good and nothing more than my five small, healthy meals a day). And I just cannot for the life of me get these last 15 pounds off of my body. And it's really starting to make me upset. I don't know how I can work as hard as I'm working and eat as well as I'm eating and not see any results. I guess I shouldn't say any -- my clothes are fitting better and my muscles are getting more toned, but the scale isn't budging. And I know, I know that the worst thing you can do is be married to the scale. But it's just frustrating. Yesterday was a bad day. I didn't do any cardio and I ate way too many Oreos. That makes me nervous, just because that's something I used to do after a bad day. But, on the other hand, I recognize it and I'm not going to do it today.
15 pounds -- it doesn't sound like much. But it's like the only thing standing between me and my goal. My goal was 140 pounds. And I want to get there. I have to get there. I can't have come this far and just be content -- even though technically I'm probably at a "healthy" weight. I'm stubborn. I need to finish what I started. I just didn't think it would take this long and I didn't think I would start to get so discouraged. I'm glad I'm going home this weekend ... I need a pep talk from Erik and Kevin. I think I just need somebody who understands to tell me I can do it, and that eventually, all this work will pay off.
I'm tired. I don't know if it's from getting up at 5 a.m. every morning and coming home at 8 p.m. every night. I don't know if it's from exercising too much and not eating enough. I don't know if it's from stress or depression or what. This week was just rough.
I'm really looking forward to going home tonight. I just want to relax in my house with my family and my dog. I want to sleep past 5 a.m. and not have to worry about cleaning my apartment or doing laundry or running errands. I want to see my friends -- I can't wait to see Kelly and Brendan and Kerry, Jenni and Liz. I just need a break.
But ... because I'm an eternal optimist ... some good things about this week.
1. Really great conversations with Kyle and Jason and Kelly -- somehow talking to my best friends always makes me feel better
2. Derek Jeter's game-winning 3-run homerun on Opening Day in Yankee Stadium. Really, was anyone surprised?
3. Palm Sunday Mass at Loyola -- always one of my favorites
4. Beautiful, warm weather
5. Dinner with Matt last night -- we hardly see each other, so it was good to just chill out and catch up
I think that this has been my first bad week since I've been down here, so I really can't complain. Bad days, bad weeks are inevitable. It's how you choose to deal with them that matters. And aside from the temporary Oreo binge, I think I'm doing okay.
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